blaque paper

Matters of the Heart - Silver Lining

I’m looking for that silver lining…not in the sky but in my life. I’ve been having one of “those moments” [inserts the deepest sigh from the depths of my soul] for a few days and I see no relief in sight. Why? I’m so glad you asked. I am so tired of helping others dreams come true. Sacrificing time, energy and thoughts to help them make it happen. But, when it comes to my dreams, the truth is those same folk could care less. Well, they do care they just don’t have the sincerity to reciprocate that same time and energy that was given to them. That’s just one of my problems.

The next problem that runs parallel to the previous one is a job. You probably remember in my previous series “I am a Survivor” I gave my personal testimony of being a cancer survivor. On my job search all goes well during the first and second interview process and then you get to the paperwork process and the most dreaded question of them all. Medical history? When I write down cancer, there goes my hopes of getting the job right down the drain. Regardless of my credentials to do the work. Why? Truth be told, I am a insurance risk for them so of course the rejection letter comes that they chose another candidate.  How I know this is because my previous employer let me go after 6 years of employment, my chemo treatments caused the company’s premiums to skyrocket. It’s sad but it’s true and unfair because regardless of my previous medical condition I still have to make a means to survive.

The last thing on my ranting list is I had hopes to attend the BWB (Blogging while Brown) Conference in Los Angeles this year but that’s not looking too good either. So, what do you do when you help others succeed but you’re steadily sinking in the quick sand? What do you do when you’ve tried and tried and but employers just won’t hire you because of a previous medical condition? This was the main reason I started blaque paper. To give me something to do and look forward to on a daily basis. In other words, to help keep me going despite the rejection.

I’ve made some crucial decisions today. The first, do not ask the dreaded question of my family and friends “have you read my blog? are you going to leave a comment?” I solemnly promise I will NEVER utter those words again. Whether anybody reads/comments or not I am going to write anyway. My solution to the job is to just not look anymore. Not that I gave up but the truth is the truth and facts are facts. If anyone wants to hire me then they will have to come looking for me. Regarding the BWB Conference, well… there’s always next year (I hope) *inserts tear*.

At this very moment, while I am discouraged yet I am thankful, at least I have blaque paper and the physical and mental abilities to write. This blog is all I have right now so in a sense I guess it is my silver lining. Whenever I am down, I always try and end on a positive note. I just read this while searching for something positive, while it didn’t 100% cheer me up it made complete sense.

Remove the sting; remove the whine; remove the sigh. They are your enemies. They are never conducive to happiness; and we all live to gain happiness, to give happiness. From every word remove the sting. Speak kindly. To speak kindly and gently to everybody is the mark of a great soul. And it is your privilege to be a great soul. From the tone of your voice remove the whine. Speak with joy. Never complain. The more you complain, the smaller you become, and the fewer will be your friends and opportunities. Speak tenderly, speak sweetly, speak with love. From all the outpourings of your heart, remove the sigh. Be happy and contented always. Let your spirit sing, let your heart dance, let your soul declare the glory of existence, for truly life is beautiful. Every sigh is a burden, a self-inflicted burden. Every whine is a maker of trouble, a forerunner of failure. Every sting is a destroyer of happiness, a dispenser of bitterness. To live in the world of sighs is to be blind to everything that is rich and beautiful. The more we sigh, the less we live, for every sigh leads to weakness, defeat and death. Remove the sting, remove the whine, remove the sigh. They are not your friends. There is better company waiting for you. - Source: The Sacred Text